I had so many aspirations to keep blogging through the holidays and then LIFE hit. There were so many activities we didn’t end up doing, “must-have” baking projects that never came out of the pantry, and decorations that never got hung.
Something was off.
We opted to do the Jesse Tree for Advent this year and I was so excited to trace the familial and spiritual lineage of Jesus. But we got off to a rough start. We had to fight for the boys’ attention, bumbled through the scripture trying to find a way to help them understand, skipped a few nights when it all got to be too much…and that was only the first week. FINALLY, I tried adding short videos from various resources to help paint a mental picture for them. About halfway through the month, they finally started getting what we were doing.
And still, something was off.
I finished almost 5 years of counseling with a sense of accomplishment and readiness for what God had in store for me next.
Still, something was off.
At the end of the school semester, I received the feedback for my dissertation proposal and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Believe me, I have a LOT of work to do but not nearly as much as I’d mentally braced for.
Something. Was. Off.
Right before Christmas, my father went into the hospital. One week later, he died. We weren’t ready for it. (You never are!) It hurts and I miss him. It was in the aftermath as we processed and planned, that something clicked.
After New Year’s it finally clicked why I have felt so “off” over the holidays. Despite everything that’s happened, I am not shaken. I have not moved. I’m not on an emotional roller coaster. I am no longer tossed about by the winds of change and adversity. This was not an easy victory, though. As I worked through my trauma, learned how to deal with my PTSD, and processed really hard mental ruts, I realized that God was making me new!
God was sanctifying and fortifying my heart. See, I had all of the head knowledge and served Him for over 20 years, but my heart had a massive wall built around it; an unhealthy form of protection against adversity. My head and my hands were engaged, but my heart had spiritually atrophied.
“I believe that no one is ever changed, either by doctrine, by hearing the word, or by the preaching or teaching of another, unless the affections are moved by these things…In a word, there is never any great achievement by the things of religion without a heart deeply affected by those things…True religion is placed in their affections.”[1]
These affections (or, passions) require proactivity and faith, an intimate participation with the person of Jesus Christ. “The emotional connection with God provides us with distinctive insights into God that cannot be gained from any other source.”[2]
That’s what’s been off. For the first time in a long time (if not the first time in my life), I’m emotionally connected to my Lord and Savior! As a result, I no longer have to ride the roller coaster of fear, discontentment, grief, constant sadness, and the uncertainty the world brings.
This holiday season was a time for me to pause and reflect. To sit and feel. To experience without rushing. To just be. That experience was so “off” what I’ve spent a lifetime feeling.
Here’s the big SO WHAT for you, my dear reader.
When you can, as soon as you can, get alone for a bit and speak a simple statement like this, “Speak to me. I’m here. I’ll wait on you.” You may or may not hear him speaking to you right away. The point is to connect with your Lord and Savior. No goals, no reading plans, no checklist…just connection with the Lover of your soul. These practices are NOT BAD, but when they take the place of connection, they prevent intimate participation with Jesus in order to truly know him.
What does this have to do with parenting? EVERYTHING. Our kids long for connection with us and we’re often too distracted or too busy to connect with them. But our God is NEVER too busy to connect with his children! We can model this by taking time to connect with him AND with them. When our kids get it, imagine how much more their faith will blossom and deepen!
Comments