Prayer in our Marriages
Welcome to the third part of our series about prayer and the family!
Join us as we consider how God’s Word can enrich our prayer lives!
One of the most secret parts of ourselves is one we share with only one person, our spouse. The bond between a man and a woman is flesh and soul. Our spouse knows the most intimate things about us and still chooses us daily.
And yet, they still don’t have access to all of us. Only God knows our inmost thoughts (Ps. 139:1-2, 24) and loves us in spite of ourselves. It is in that space that we can be most honest about what we would likely not say out loud:
Fears
o the faithfulness of our spouse
o the future of our marriage
o the disunity we experience daily/regularly/frequently
Anger
o the way they treat us
o the way they allow others to treat us
Hurts
o being ignored, overlooked, unappreciated
o whether we can ever forgive _____________
These are some of the honest thoughts and emotions we have about the one person we’re bonded to for life. (There are so many more that we can even express here.) If we are not careful, these thoughts and feelings will consume us, creating a chasm in our marriages.
Remember our core verse about God who sees those secret thoughts in us (Mt. 6:6)? Our Heavenly Father knows our thoughts and desires us to lay everything at his feet. After all, if God already knows our most private thoughts, why not be honest and submit them to him?
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Ps 55:22
Casting our cares (fears, anger, hurts) at his feet is submitting them to his lordship. This is an act of humility and faith in God, who can transform our thoughts from fear, anger, and hurt to love, submission, and trust. But how do we submit all of this to God’s lordship? He gives us the resources in his Word.
Using Scripture as our guide, we begin to transform the way we think about God, life, and our marriages:
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. Rom. 12:2
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. Ps 19:14.
For though we live in the body, we do not wage war in an unspiritual way, since the weapons of our warfare are not worldly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Co 10:3–5.
The battle for our marriages is not a physical one; it is spiritual (Eph. 6:12). The enemy desires to create a chasm whenever and wherever he can (Pet. 5:8; 2 Cor. 2:11). We have to choose to fight for every thought and feeling by remembering this spiritual battle. When our thoughts do not honor God or our spouse, we stop and submit them to God. Here’s an example:
“God. I’m struggling. She really hurt me, and I’m so angry. I’m tempted to think she always or never does this, but I know that’s not necessarily true. Please be the Lord of my thoughts right now. I need you! Fill my thoughts with your Word. Help me think of songs of praise so I can focus on that instead of where my thoughts are headed right now. Thank you for loving me, even in my weakness. Amen.”
I (Missie) can speak from personal experience that prayers like this transformed my thoughts in the moment. After several years of practicing this, God brings to mind Scripture or worship songs that retrain my brain from the rut of hurtful thoughts about my husband to the fresh paths of forgiveness, love, and understanding.
Friends, God’s Word does not return void (Is. 55:10-11). Let us use it as a guide for everything in our lives, starting with how we can pray.
Below are some reference verses you can use to pray over your marriage with your spouse or over them. Blessings on your journey as you lean into Jesus in all things!
Focusing on Holiness with a Kingdom Mindset
You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God lives in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. Rom. 8:9
Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth. Col. 3:2
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you. Php. 4:8-9
Delighting in God First as Their Source of Joy
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires. Ps. 37:4
Maintaining Belief in Unbelief in God Alone
“But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Then Jesus said to him, “‘If You can’? Everything is possible to the one who believes.” Immediately the father of the boy cried out, “I do believe! Help my unbelief.” Mk. 9:14-29
Submitting Everything to God with a Gentle Spirit
Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Php. 4:5-7
Believing in the God of Hope, No Matter the Circumstances
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rom. 15:13
Integrity to Heed God’s Wisdom
For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He stores up success for the upright; He is a shield for those who live with integrity so that He may guard the paths of justice and protect the way of His loyal followers. Pr. 2:6-8
Managing Money in the Freedom of God’s Faithful Provision
Your life should be free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have,
for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you. Therefore, we may boldly say: The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Heb. 13:5-6
Imitating Christ as a Fragrant Offering
Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. Eph. 5:1-2
Asking for Wisdom in Full, Expectant Faith
Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and
without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting.
For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. Jms. 1:5-6
For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven’t stopped praying for you.
We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and
patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the
saints’ inheritance in the light. Col. 1:9-12
Striving for Unity as Couple
Therefore I, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, accepting one another in love, diligently keeping the unity of the Spirit with the peace that binds us. Eph. 4:1-3
Building Each Other Up With Grace
No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. Eph. 4:29
Remaining Faithful in God’s Design for Marriage
But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason
a man will leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife], and the two will
become one flesh. Mk. 10:6-9
Putting Every Thought About Each Other Under Obedience to Christ
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord,
my rock and my Redeemer. Ps. 19:14
We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5
Loving Each Other Selflessly
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. 1 Cor. 13:4-7
The Marriage Triad: Drawing Closer to God Together
Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Jms. 4:8a
Praying Over Each Other:
Interceeding, Confessing, Healing, Praising God…
Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will restore him to health; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours; yet he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the land. Then he prayed again, and the sky gave rain and the land produced its fruit. Jms 5:13-16
Forgiving and Living in Peace with Each Other
All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Eph. 4: 31-32
Debriefing and Unpacking Together at the End of the Day,
Laying It at Jesus’ Feet
“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Mt. 11:28-30
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